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Please take great care when you type something in a search engine … or you might end up here … as ever, I sincerely hope the people who typed in these search terms found what they were after …

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The award this year goes to the excellent breasts on a keyboard.

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As usual, I sincerely hope that if you typed in one of these search terms, you found what you were looking for.

I am not making these up.

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Christchurch, New Zealand: A wrecked house in Canterbury, near the earthquake epicentre at Darfield

I sincerely hope that the twats who typed in these search terms found what they were looking for following the disappointment of being directed to this blog.

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For some time one of the top ten search terms used by visitors to this blog has been “tracey emin tits”. At last I have a post for anyone who has ever typed those three words into a search engine:

Artist Tracey Emin has unveiled her latest work – new 34DD breasts following reduction surgery. The 46-year-old, famous for works such as her unmade bed, decided to go under the knife after failing to reduce her bust through a low-calorie diet.

She said: “I was a 34G. I lost a stone on the diet but my breasts were getting bigger. This was causing problems that could get worse as I approach the menopause. I’m now a very happy 34DD without neckache, without backache and headaches.”

Before breast reduction surgery the modern artist, whose installation My Bed won the 1999 Turner Prize, needed a support bra to disguise her cleavage.

She claims she was flat chested in her early teens but developed a large bust after taking the contraceptive pill at 14. She said: “They grew out of control. My grandmother had a 46in chest, it runs in the family.”

Tracey says she has taken up running again now that it is no longer painful.

“I’ve not kept it secret,” she added. “Everybody knows. I’ve been out celebrating. I’d advise any woman to do the same.”

Black Dogs Defined

This is the best of me; for the rest, I ate, and drank, and slept, loved and hated, like another: my life was as the vapour and is not; but this I saw and knew; this, if anything of mine, is worth your memory.

(John Ruskin, Sesame and Lilies)

Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not.

(Alan Sillitoe, Saturday Night and Sunday Morning)

This is my letter to the world, that never wrote to me.

(Emily Dickinson, This is my letter to the world)

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

(Edna St. Vincent Millay, Second Fig)

R.A.D. Stainforth

I was born before The Beatles’ first LP and brought up in the reeking slums of Jericho. I am in love with a woman called Hazel and in love with her daughter, also called Hazel, both of whom I met at Alcoholics Anonymous.

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