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(Source: Daily Mail)

For women anxious about their weight, horizontal stripes are usually a serious fashion no-no.

But Nigella Lawson Queen of Gastroporn and Caramel Bukkake clearly has nothing to worry about on that score, having lost three stone in the last few months.

So the TV cook was happy to show off her newly slender frame at the weekend in a navy and orange striped jumper, teamed with skin-tight black trousers and a pair of elegant black suede boots.

The 52-year-old was photographed on Saturday, after lunch at the exclusive Scott’s fish restaurant in central London.

I’m in love … I need a stiff drink …

Click to embiggen (recommended)

(Source: handbag.com)

Get the back band right
The first thing to remember is getting the back band right; it needs to fit on the loosest hook and should sit horizontally. Over time you can tighten it, but if you start off with it on the tightest hook, it’s already too big for you.

Tighten those bra straps
Most of the support from your bra should be coming from the back band – not the straps. If you’re left with red marks where the straps are digging in you’re putting too much strain on your poor shoulders!

The wires shouldn’t stick out
The wires of your bra should sit flat, without poking you in the middle. This means that your boobs won’t spill out from the sides or top, escaping from the cups.

Finally, give them a jiggle …
The bend and snap isn’t a move reserved for fans of Legally Blonde. According to Curvy Kate, you need to make sure your boobs fit into your bra by moving them about a bit. Lean forward and give your boobs a jiggle, then scoop them in and up!

Talent-free shemale chanteuse and vertical bacon sandwich Lady Gaga has defended the “meat dress” she wore at the MTV Video Music Awards saying it was not disrespectful towards “vegans and vegetarians”.

The singer told US chatshow host Ellen DeGeneres that the outfit was a protest against the way the army in America treats gay soldiers. Lesbian, bisexual and gay people can serve in the US military as long as they don’t reveal their sexual orientation.

“This is a woman in control of her own image and turning the tables on society,” says Laurie Penny, a feminist writer and blogger. “As Lady Gaga herself said at the awards: ‘If we don’t stand up for our rights soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones. And I am not a piece of meat.’ It’s a clever play on women being viewed as chunks of flesh, as pieces of meat, as things to be consumed,” says Ms Penny. “It’s a sly wink at that aspect of society and the joke is on us. Just take her quip about asking Cher to hold her meat purse. She is the one laughing.”

It’s a bold statement, but definitely not a silly stunt, says Ms Penny. The dress has been very carefully made and is not just slabs of meat thrown together – it is like a “beautiful couture dress”. This attention to detail shows it is something Gaga has thought through.

“People will say it’s mad or crazy and, of course, there is a shock factor to it. But it is all very cleverly done and very calculated. This is a woman in control of herself and her image. I think it’s brilliant.”

I think it’s fucking stupid and Lady Gaga is fucking stupid and MTV is fucking stupid and Cher is fucking stupid and vegans are fucking stupid and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) are fucking stupid and US soldiers are fucking stupid …

If there was an Emmy for the best supported actress, sweater stretcher Christina Hendricks would have won it hands down. The 35-year-old star of Mad Men wore a plunging lavender gown by Zac Posen – with ostrich feathers at the sleeves and skirt – which emphasised her hourglass figure, not to mention her huge rack, at the recent Emmy awards ceremony.

However, stunning bra busting Mad Men star Christina Hendricks, who was voted Sexiest Woman Alive by female readers of Esquire and called the perfect physical role model by equalities minister Lynne Featherstone, claims she still finds it hard to borrow a designer dress.

This could be because she destroys them with her massive melons. Christ, how much do they weigh?

I would splash out on a new dress and give her a pearl necklace. A dead heat in a Zeppelin race.

Bowling balls, jugs, funbags, dirty pillows, bangers, rib balloons, milk cans, etc., etc.

Pamela Anderson’s birthday bash at a Las Vegas nightclub erupted in chaos on Saturday night (10 July) when security interrupted celebrations to eject a rowdy couple from the venue.

The Baywatch beauty, who turned 43 on 1 July, partied at Tao nightclub with a group of pals, including celebrity fashion designer Richie Rich.

However, the fun came to a brief halt when security personnel were forced to step in and ask a wild couple to tone down its lewd dance moves.

A witness claims “the guy erupted in a fit” when approached by the guards, according to the New York Post.

The couple was reportedly ejected from the event while Anderson was allowed to continue her celebrations.

The Classical Brit Awards 2010. It was a night of very classic glamour, reports the Daily Mail. Or, as Opera Chic puts it, bad hair and bad frocks reigned.

And to prove the point Myleene Klass arrived at the Classical Brit Awards yesterday evening in an elegant, floor-length 1920s-style dress.

Miss Klass, 32, was of course a classical pianist before becoming a pop star and TV personality.

Classical Brit Awards Winners

Young British Classical Performer or Group – Jack Liebeck
Composer of the Year – Thomas Adès (for The Tempest)
Soundtrack of the Year – Thomas Newman, Revolutionary Road
Female Artist of the Year – Angela Gheorghiu
Critics’ Award – Verdi: Messa Da Requiem, Roma Orchestra Dell’ Accademia Nazionale Di Santa Cecilia, Antonio Pappano, Rolando Villazón, Anja Harteros, Sonja Ganassi, and René Pape
Male Artist of the Year – Vasily Petrenko
NS&I Album of the Year – Only Men Aloud, Band Of Brothers
Lifetime Achievement – Dame Kiri Te Kanawa

Staring at these is infantile

But now I am six, I’m as clever as clever.
So I think I’ll be six now for ever and ever.

(A.A. Milne, The End)

Christina Hendricks is a serious actor who happens to have enormous norks. She is pictured at the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala “American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity” exhibition wearing a blue silk chiffon floor-length dress by L’Wren Scott which shows them off. The readers of Esquire magazine recently voted her the sexiest woman with a pulse in America. In return, she provided them with an open letter to men. Click the link for the full article.

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

A tank top is underwear. You’re walking around in your underwear. Too much.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

The men who look, they really look. It doesn’t insult us. It doesn’t faze us, really. It’s just – well, it’s a little infantile. Which is ironic, isn’t it? The men who constantly stare at our breasts are never the men we’re attracted to.

Also in Esquire:

Cheese of the Week: Cabot Clothbound Cheddar

(Sun)

This ancient lacy number is thought to be the world’s oldest push-up bra.

The 200-year-old boob enhancer was discovered in storage at the Science Museum in London. The pads were designed to boost the cleavage like a modern Wonderbra, made famous by the 1990s “Hello Boys” ads featuring model Eva Herzigova.

The bra, dating from the 1800s, will go on show for the first time next Wednesday.

The museum’s assistant curator Selina Hurley said: “We think of body enhancement as a modern invention. But this object shows that women have been looking to boost their cleavage for hundreds of years. This bust enhancer is one-of-a-kind in our collection.”

Dita Von Teese


Paris Hilton


Devo


Steve Malkmus, Pavement


Florence Welch


Damon Albarn, Gorillaz


Little Boots

The British bands at Coachella must now join the rest of the world, with no guarantee of how or when they will get home.

Black Dogs Defined

This is the best of me; for the rest, I ate, and drank, and slept, loved and hated, like another: my life was as the vapour and is not; but this I saw and knew; this, if anything of mine, is worth your memory.

(John Ruskin, Sesame and Lilies)

Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not.

(Alan Sillitoe, Saturday Night and Sunday Morning)

This is my letter to the world, that never wrote to me.

(Emily Dickinson, This is my letter to the world)

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

(Edna St. Vincent Millay, Second Fig)

R.A.D. Stainforth

I was born before The Beatles’ first LP and brought up in the reeking slums of Jericho. I am in love with a woman called Hazel and in love with her daughter, also called Hazel, both of whom I met at Alcoholics Anonymous.

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