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(Taken from Real Cooking by Nigel Slater)

I love a banger. Mild, herby British butcher’s variety, blow-your-socks-off fennel and black pepper Italian ones, or thick wodges of black pudding. Love them all.
To be good, really good, a sausage must be hot and sticky. It must sport that tacky, savoury goo that you get when it has been cooked slowly. It must be sweet, savoury, gooey, chewy and all at once. And a sausage should always be eaten when slightly too hot – part of the joy of a banger is to toss it around in your mouth whilst making sucking and blowing noises. A tepid sausage is a friend to no one.

Sausage suppers, bangers and mash, or grilled black pudding with creamy mustard sauce, are cold-weather food of the first order. I can think of nothing I would rather come in to after raking the leaves on an autumn afternoon than slow-fried sausages and a mountain of mash. Sausage hotpot comes pretty close. Or a woman with huge tits peeling off her sweater … where was I? Yes! Big hot sausages!

At the risk of upsetting sausage fanciers I honestly think that the plain butcher’s sausage is a tastier affair than all these fancy links around at the moment.

Choosing a sausage is not that difficult. Choose ones that are meaty and moist-looking, and perhaps freckled with pepper and a few herbs. It is best to avoid the butcher’s effort at originality until you have tried their house brand, which may be very good indeed. Some butchers really know how to make a banger. If in doubt, just go for a plump, friendly-looking one – banger, that is.

Click to embiggen Nigella Lawson

(Source: Telegraph)

Nigella Lawson has called in lawyers to deny claims that she bought “under the counter” foie gras at Selfridges in London.

The Queen of Gastroporn and Caramel Bukkake vehemently denied a newspaper report published at the weekend suggesting that she bought the controversial French delicacy from Jack O’Shea, a prominent butcher, at his former concession in the department store.

Although production of foie gras – made from the enlarged livers of force-fed geese – is banned in Britain, it can be sold legally and is stocked in a number of London shops.

Selfridges banned it on animal welfare grounds two years ago after a high-profile campaign led by Sir Roger Moore, the former James Bond actor. Mr O’Shea, however, continued to offer it for sale to a select group of customers who requested it using the code name “French fillet” (reminding me of the sinister butcher of Royston Vasey, Hilary Briss, from The League of Gentlemen). He who said he prided himself on his animal welfare standards, and was unrepentant after his dismissal from Selfridges last year. He said at the time: “I couldn’t give a damn, my conscience is clear. Stuffing a goose with grain is like stuffing me with Guinness.”

(Source: Daily Mail)

For women anxious about their weight, horizontal stripes are usually a serious fashion no-no.

But Nigella Lawson Queen of Gastroporn and Caramel Bukkake clearly has nothing to worry about on that score, having lost three stone in the last few months.

So the TV cook was happy to show off her newly slender frame at the weekend in a navy and orange striped jumper, teamed with skin-tight black trousers and a pair of elegant black suede boots.

The 52-year-old was photographed on Saturday, after lunch at the exclusive Scott’s fish restaurant in central London.

I’m in love … I need a stiff drink …

The Queen of Gastroporn & Caramel Bukkake

(Source: Daily Mail)

Thanks to her lustrous locks and generous cleavage, another part of the Nigella Lawson anatomy has gone largely unnoticed over the years.

But the 51-year-old Queen of Gastroporn & Caramel Bukkake is now happy to draw attention to her beautiful bum.

On a lunch date with her husband, revolting ugly multi-millionaire Charles Saatchi, she stepped out in a short jacket and skintight jeans to illustrate the confidence she has gained following recent weight loss.

Seasoned Nigella-watchers will be aware this is a significant departure from the flowing garments she usually wears.

The next Mrs Stainforth is said to have dropped from a size 18 to a 12 amid claims she followed the Clean & Lean plan.

The diet was devised by trainer James Duigan, who has also advised Elle Macpherson and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (whoever they are).

The next Mrs Stainforth. Fuck.

Nigella Lawson is 51 … and still as fit as a butcher’s dog … I’d give my right arm for one night in bed with her … it’s a minor compulsion, I can deal with it if I want to …

Asked what would be her last meal on Earth given the choice, the Queen of Gastroporn, who is one year older than me, says: “I don’t think you have enough space for everything I’d eat for my last meal! I’d have spaghetti with clams – no tomatoes, just a white wine sauce with chilli and garlic; roasted chicken with a side of chips and roasted potatoes and mashed potatoes; blue cheese with French bread; blackberries with heavy cream and cookies. Finally, I would have some great coffee with salted caramels.”

She adds: “Now that I think about it, I don’t want to wait until my last meal to eat this. I’ll probably eat it a lot sooner.”

I do hope Nigella has not been pressured by her revolting egg-eating husband Charles Saatchi to go on a diet.

As a rule, Nigella Lawson is only too happy to show off her voluptuous figure in low-cut outfits. On a visit to Bondi Beach, however, she went to the opposite extreme. The 51-year-old Domestic Goddess opted for a full cover-up against the late-summer Sydney sun as she splashed in the water with a companion.

Miss Lawson’s outfit resembled a burkini – a three-piece swimsuit designed to preserve the modesty of Muslim women – with a baseball cap beneath the hood.

The explanation was that the fair-skinned star was worried about sunburn. Prompting the question: Why bother going on the beach, then?

The Queen of Gastroporn

(Source: Daily Mirror)

Queen of Gastroporn Nigella Lawson is better known for grilling steaks, but she has just bought a stake in Lewes Football Club.

TV’s Domestic Goddess, 51, has a £1,000 single share in the struggling Sussex non-league side. It was taken over last year by six media luvvie fans led by Nigella’s playwright pal, Patrick Marber.

Fellow chef Delia Smith, 70, helped save Championship side Norwich from bankruptcy back in 1997. Now Rooks fans are praying that Nigella will inject some much needed cash – and maybe even dish up some quality half time tucker at their club’s ground, The Dripping Pan.

One fan said: “At least we might be able to beat the competition on catering. Nigella burgers would go down a treat.”

Australia’s favourite food blogger, Not Quite Nigella, a.k.a. Lorraine Elliott, comes face to face with her namesake at the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival:

There is a classic Nigella moment when she says “I like a bit of brutality in the kitchen” with that gleam in her eye and she leans onto a raw, whole chicken to flatten it slightly to make it easier to cook. Food is about legacy and passing recipes on, and along with this, recipes, traits or style are passed on. She amuses everyone with a story of a woman who made a pot roast and to start she would cut off both ends of the pot roast. When asked why she did this she answered that it was what her own mother had always done so she did it. When they asked her mother why she had done it she said that that was her mother had done. When they asked the grandmother why she had done it she said that the reason why she did it was because her pot was too small to fit the pot roast!

After browning the chicken, she places it in a pot to boil along with celery, and carrots, which brings us to carrot coins. “I find circles of carrots make me depressed,” she says, citing school meals with carrot circles as the possible cause. “But by all means if carrots don’t make you depressed, use them … If you had to be an expert to cook, the human race wouldn’t exist.”

(Source: Business Spectator)

She is the best known female food personality in the world today. The mere mention of her name can cause people to recall, accurately, what she sounds like, how she smiles, and, of course, how she cooks.

You might think it could be unnerving being Queen of Gastroporn Nigella Lawson and constantly having your sensual charms – and curves – discussed alongside your body of work. But Lawson says that she can’t control how people perceive her and that ”it’s wrong to get into a state about it”.

She says the suggestion that the way she presents herself in front of the television is carefully thought about is simply false. ”I don’t construct a personality, but I certainly think the personality that is ascribed to me is not my personality,” she says. ”That’s a projection of other people, but also to do with the particular, strange force television has.”

Her trademark lascivious tone, for example, is unintentional. ”When I am talking to camera … I mean, I love my crew and I have had them forever so I am very very close to them … I know that I am quite an intense person and I know that I am being quite intimate. To me, I am not being remotely coquettish.”

Men and their egos are often the source of this misinterpretation, she suggests. ”One of the things I find quite endearing about men is that they do seem to have a certain sort of confidence and they sort of think anyone is flirting with them.”

Lawson is in Australia for the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, of which she is the star attraction.

Here to represent a key festival theme, Women of the Kitchen, Lawson reflects on the women who inspired her. ”My mother was quite spontaneous, quite impatient, and really knew how to trust her own palate. I think people really underestimate how important that is,” she says. ”Maybe because cooking has been, in the large part, taken over by professionals, I think technique has been overstressed and actually what cooking is, is about trusting your instincts and about trusting your palate to know what tastes good.”

After graduating from Oxford University, Lawson worked as a literary journalist and opinion page columnist before releasing her first cookbook, How to Eat, which became a bestseller. Her first television series, Nigella Bites, became an incredible success and soon she was known as a woman who loves food and doesn’t torment herself dieting.

”I am always thinking about what my eating opportunities are, and what I can manage to get in,” she says.

(Source: Sydney Morning Herald)

Black Dogs Defined

This is the best of me; for the rest, I ate, and drank, and slept, loved and hated, like another: my life was as the vapour and is not; but this I saw and knew; this, if anything of mine, is worth your memory.

(John Ruskin, Sesame and Lilies)

Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not.

(Alan Sillitoe, Saturday Night and Sunday Morning)

This is my letter to the world, that never wrote to me.

(Emily Dickinson, This is my letter to the world)

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

(Edna St. Vincent Millay, Second Fig)

R.A.D. Stainforth

I was born before The Beatles’ first LP and brought up in the reeking slums of Jericho. I am in love with a woman called Hazel and in love with her daughter, also called Hazel, both of whom I met at Alcoholics Anonymous.

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