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Glamorous gorgeous pouting gormless Geordie stick insect doormat lollipop head Cheryl Tweedy Cole (“Because your hair extensions are worth it”) was crowned Glamour magazine’s Woman of the Year, after 12 months which have seen her become the nation’s sweetheart and dump a cheating husband. The singer and judge on ITV show The X Factor received the top honour at the ceremony. Her estranged husband, Ashley Cole, is in South Africa as part of England’s World Cup squad. She announced divorce proceedings last month.

The award for Outstanding Contribution went to Yoko Ono. Outstanding contribution to what?

The ceremony was held in London’s Berkeley Square.

Full List of Winners:

Radio Personality of the Year – Fearne Cotton
UK TV Actress of the Year – Billie Piper
Accessory Designer of the Year – Emma Hill
Band of the Year – Florence and the Machine
Entrepreneur of the Year – Nicole Richie
Comedy Actress of the Year – Ruth Jones
Film-Maker of the Year – Sam Taylor-Wood
Presenter of the Year – Christine Bleakley
Writer of the Year – Sarah Waters
Sheer Infusion Newcomer – Alexandra Burke
Sportswoman of the Year – Amy Williams
Editor’s Special Award – Anna Kendrick
Solo Artist of the Year – Lily Allen
Film Actress of the Year – Zoe Saldana
Woman of the Year – Cheryl Cole
US TV Actress of the Year – Lea Michele
TV Personality of the Year – Dannii Minogue
Fashion Designer of the Year – Isabel Marant
Outstanding Contribution – Yoko Ono
Man of the Year – Aaron Johnson

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Black Dogs Defined

This is the best of me; for the rest, I ate, and drank, and slept, loved and hated, like another: my life was as the vapour and is not; but this I saw and knew; this, if anything of mine, is worth your memory.

(John Ruskin, Sesame and Lilies)

Whatever people say I am, that’s what I’m not.

(Alan Sillitoe, Saturday Night and Sunday Morning)

This is my letter to the world, that never wrote to me.

(Emily Dickinson, This is my letter to the world)

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand:
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

(Edna St. Vincent Millay, Second Fig)

R.A.D. Stainforth

I was born before The Beatles’ first LP and brought up in the reeking slums of Jericho. I am in love with a woman called Hazel and in love with her daughter, also called Hazel, both of whom I met at Alcoholics Anonymous.

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